Looking forward to Love's Embrace

I woke up earlier today than I normally do, partly because mom woke me up to give me my medicine. I feel pretty good today, the ever looming depression seems fleeting right now. Besides I have other things on my mind; important things, beautiful things.


I don't know where she came from, but I swear she's an angel. She is sweater than sugar to me and She doesn't seem like she's going to change. Her beauty, to me, is incomparable. Her eyes are the safest greenest fields in Georgia. She's a magician, too, ya know; she makes all my problems and worries disappear.


I don't think she realizes how much I care about her already, which is fine. I have all the time in the world to show her. I'll care for her and I'll treat her right. She deserves it. It's the best some punk like me can give such an amazing girl. I'll do you right sweetie, I promise.



I get to spend all day and night with her next weekend. I couldn't be more excited. A day with her will go a long ways to settling my mind and allowing me to get my life back on track. I can't wait for our first kiss. I'm sure it will be magical. All the other girls are just S.O.L., because she's enough for me.


Side note: I have court the 14th. I am glad to be finally getting this done with. I can't pay the ticket, but everyone tells me that I can just do community service. I sure hope this is the case (no pun intended). I wonder how much community service I will have to do and where I might have to do it. Life looks exciting ahead. I can't wait to see her. <3

Truth, Perception, the Universe, and Undeniable Solidarity...

I hate when my lucid moments manifest themselves and I realize just how alone I really am. I call these moments the lucid ones because these moments are what I perceive to be the true natural of my universe. I have one or two friends, sure. But I am undeniably replaceable. I bring nothing to the table the majority of the time. I mean, I have no job, no money; I’m moderately attractive at best. I can’t expect the world to revolve around me, I know. And I know that this may seem rather melodramatic. The truth is, it probably is. But what truth is what we each perceive in our own universes. For example, A schizophrenic feels that the world is out to get him and that all school bus drivers are demons and death dealers from Satan. To any normal and mentally healthy person this notion is absurd at best and the delusion of a mad man. But to the poor fellow that has created this “delusion,” what is there to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Who’s to say that his fantasy is not indeed the truth? Who is to say that his reality is not the real reality and that everyone else is delusional? Yes, this is a sort of nihilistic view of the universe, but it demands questioning. How does one know and establish a reality or universal truth beyond his own senses and perceptions. How does he know anything exists? And, back to my original point, how do I know that I am not replaceable. How do I know anything about the way others feel about me? I could be crazy. They could be lying. What is truth but an abstract and unproven concept labeled with a word? Truth only exists if you believe it does. Truth is the “Santa Claus “of human relations. And the hard truth, the ugly truth, the real truth is that no one really trusts anyone. Ever.

The real truth is that friendship is a farce and that everyone is out for themselves, because of the simple fact that the universe exists only in what we perceive. Einstein once said, “Only a life lived for others is worth living.” This is flawed logic. Since there is no real way of knowing if anything is real, much less if others truly exist, A life lived for others can either be a selfless act of kindness or a delusional waste of perceived existence on delusions. So the concept of friendship, being possible non-existent is flawed. Why pursue things which don’t exist. Therefore why worry about whether I have friends or whether ANYONE likes me at all since there is no irrefutable proof that they are real or even that reality is real. Thus I have comforted myself logically and objectively.